Lube makes all kinds of sex better, and as a rule, people should be using way more of it. Beyond its ability to ramp up pleasure, lube can also make sex safer (and take potential anxiety about being “wet enough” off of those with vaginas—but even if you’re rivaling Niagara Falls down there, you should still put at least one kind of lube proudly on your bedside table). If you’re a newcomer, or wondering how to make things even wetter and better: Let me tell you all about how to use it and why it’s amazing…and you might just find out how to clean silicone lube off your hardwood floor in the process.
What types of lube are there?
There’s a lube for every occasion. Signey Olson, DNP, NP, CNM, an assistant professor at Georgetown University’s School of Nursing and nurse practitioner specializing in reproductive health and fertility, tells SELF, “I always joke that you can say your medical provider told you you should use lube every time.” But, given the sea of lube out there, how do you know which kinds you might choose? Let’s break it down.
This type of lube is, well, watery. According to Dr. Olson, water-based lube is the “least likely to irritate genital tissue,” because they usually have fewer ingredients than other types of lube. That also means they’re definitely your best option if you or your partner have sensitive skin or are prone to yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, or UTIs—but you can check the label to make sure what you’re working with is fragrance-free and doesn’t contain anything else you know you’re sensitive to.
Dr. Olson also points out that water-based lube is the “easiest to clean”—both off of yourself and out of your sheets—which is useful, because it’s absorbed by your skin more quickly, so you might need to reapply a lot of it throughout whatever sexy thing it is you’re doing.
One of water-based lube’s biggest perks: It’s safe with all types of sex toys and barrier methods like condoms (latex or otherwise). Okay, versatility!
Slippery slopes ahead! Silicone-based lube is longer-lasting than water-based kinds, so it’s good for sex that lasts a long time, since you’re less likely to need to reapply as often. Dr. Olson especially recommends silicone lube for “sex in the shower, as it doesn't wash away as easily.” (Just be really careful not to slip.)
There are some potential cons, though: Silicone-based lubes might stain your sheets, so lay out a sex towel. You shouldn’t use silicone lube with silicone sex toys, as it can cause them to degrade, but it’s safe to use with metal or glass. And, like I said, it’s slippery AF, so if it gets on the floor, try to clean it up immediately using a washcloth and a paste-like mixture of baking soda and water. (Ask me how I know.)
She’s thick—the consistency of oil-based lube, that is. Similar to silicone-based lube, oil-based lube will keep things slick for a longer time than water-based types, but unlike silicone options, oil-based lube is incompatible with latex barriers, like condoms or dental dams: It can weaken the material and make the barrier more likely to tear, increasing the risk of STIs or pregnancy if you’re having P-in-V sex.
I’d be remiss to point out that some things that kinda, sorta seem like lube are actually very much not things you should use anywhere around your genitals. Juliana Hauser, PhD, LMFT, LPC tells SELF that food, like honey or whipped cream, is a firm no because sugar can be irritating to genitals and increase the risk of yeast infection. You should also avoid “baby oil, lotion, soap, or petroleum jelly,” Dr. Hauser adds, since these can all contain irritants that may make infection more likely too. Basically: Only use lubes that say they’re lubes.
How to use lube for whatever sex act you’re doing
If you’re getting down all by yourself, you shouldn’t be truly alone…because you’ve got your trusty lube there with you. Okay, that was so corny, but in all seriousness: Lube is super underrated for masturbation, which sucks because (a) it feels just as amazing when you use it by yourself, whether you have a penis or vagina, and (b) it’s the perfect time to experiment with different kinds to figure out your preferences. Dr. Hauser says that lube “helps with adding new sensations, reduces friction from hands and sex toys, can help with dryness, and adds a different feel to rhythm and touch.”
If you’re interested in trying lube for masturbation, make it especially fun by trying a different combination of things each time. Depending on your genitalia and if you like penetration, you’ve got a ton of options: One night you can use silicone-based lube and a glass dildo. Use a water-based lube with a Tenga Egg stroker or other masturbation sleeve. Another time, you can try a metal dildo and oil-based lube. Figure out your faves, then incorporate them into partnered sex if you like. This is also a great time to observe your body’s reaction to different formulas, though you can always patch-test lube on your skin before you go full-force too.
Another ideal time to use lube is when you’re giving (or getting) a good old-fashioned handy. People sometimes skip out on hand jobs and go straight for oral, but maybe that’s because lube is what sets a mediocre hand job apart from a truly great one.
Since penises generally only produce a small-ish amount of pre-cum, lube helps ensure that the handjob is comfortable and pleasurable. It decreases the risk of friction (and so, potential little abrasions or cuts) on the penis and frenulum (and thus, the risk of STI transmission).
Dr. Hauser says that if you’re giving a handjob, use more lube than you think you need and put it on both hands. This equips you to do some impressive twisting action, gently get the balls involved, or even go for a prostate massage. She also suggests using silicone lube for a longer-lasting application.
This one’s a little more compliqué. Dr. Olson says, “While flavored or temperature-changing lube may seem appealing to many, it often uses various types of sugar additives and ingredients which can be irritating for genital tissue, and also increases the risk for things like yeast infections.” That being said, some people might find that having a flavored lube to work with during oral really enhances the experience for the giver—especially if you don’t always love the taste of dick or pussy. It can also help if you don’t produce a ton of saliva while giving head.
If you’re considering flavored lube, thoroughly wash the genitals after use. If you’re having a tough time due to saliva production (or lack thereof), and your partner is prone to irritation, try to hydrate a lot prior to giving head rather than using a flavored lube. Another option is to use a lube that is edible (many water and oil-based ones are), but not flavored (check the label to find out), which is less likely to be irritating.
Of course, we can’t talk about lube without talking about penetration, which is one of the places where lube shines brightest. Here’s how to make the most of it.
Vaginal: This experience is leagues better when lube is involved. Sliding between labial folds and inserting a finger (or three, or all) is much easier with lubrication, and it reduces the risk of the dreaded microtears. (Seriously, if you’ve ever seen a porn performer get fisted and been really interested in trying it yourself, you’re gonna need a lot of lube.)
Many people with vaginas have experienced pain with penetrative sex of some kind at some point or other. Lube is one way to make the pain that comes from dryness, friction, or tearing a lot less likely. Dr. Olson also points out that “lube is incredibly beneficial for individuals who are using hormonal contraceptives, as these medications typically decrease naturally-produced lubrication and moisture.”
As Dr. Hauser advises, “Put lubrication on both what is penetrating and what is being penetrated.” She goes on to say that you should use lube liberally and reapply often—if you’re worried about the mess, have towels nearby or use a squirt blanket or sheets that you don’t mind staining. It’s a lot easier to focus on pleasure when you’re not worried about your expensive linens.
Anal: Fingering the anus (and prostate) can also be super pleasurable, and lube only makes it more so, especially because your butthole doesn’t have built-in lubrication like a vagina does—meaning, you’ll definitely need to supply some extra. Plus, the lining of the anus is thin, making it especially prone to micro-tears (teeny cuts on the sensitive tissue inside your butt), which can put you at a higher risk of contracting STIs.
Lube is your bestie during anal penetration (including if you’re using butt plugs)—and even before, if you’re just doing external anal play. According to Dr. Hauser, silicone lube is an especially solid option here, as it’ll help you keep things slick for the longest amount of time (unless, of course, you’re using silicone toys). Same rules apply as with any penetration: Make sure to lube up what is penetrating and what is being penetrated, and keep in mind that more is more.
Honestly, no matter what you’re doing, your biggest takeaway here should be: Use lube—way more of it, and more often!
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